The Allure of the Perfect Holiday

My social media algorithm picked up very quickly that I was planning a trip to New York to celebrate my birthday (21 again, of course!). What this gave me was the perfect itinerary, the perfect places to eat, the viral shops I had to visit, and endless videos of holiday goers smiling, stress free, and simply loving life.

Now, I’m absolutely sure many of those people did have an amazing time. But what I didn’t see was the preamble, the waiting for the ESTA to come through, the frantic packing, the wondering if they had enough spending money, the airport security queues, the fear of oversleeping before an early flight.

I couldn’t help but wonder, did any of those people feel anxious before, during, or after their perfect looking break?

The build up to my own holiday became a quiet obsession, scrolling for new “must see” spots, trying to plan the perfect trip. I had wanted my New York break to be more spontaneous, to stumble upon landmarks, to find an event by chance, and not to live by a tight itinerary. But the constant exposure to “perfect plans” on social media subtly changed my outlook.

I still had a few places I truly wanted to visit, but I wanted the rest to unfold authentically, a bit like person centred counselling, really. Being in the moment and fully present is so important, both in therapy and, as I’m learning, in travel too.

The Emotional Build Up

I’ve always been a traveller. I love visiting new places, soaking in the culture, and meeting new people. I grew up on family holidays, but my first experience of travelling alone was around age 14 or 15, flying to Canada to visit friends I’d met at a family wedding.

That trip introduced me to a range of feelings, ones I hadn’t really explored until recently, when I felt ready to be authentic with myself. Through my understanding of theory and my own personal growth, I’ve found the confidence to speak these feelings out loud.

Truthfully, I have anxiety about travelling. The packing, the endless passport checks, the security queues, all mix with the excitement of going away, the joy of good food and drinks, and that liberating sense of not caring about calories (they don’t count on holiday, right?).

All of these emotions can form a physical knot in my stomach. And for a long time, I didn’t know what to do with it. I certainly didn’t feel I could say, “I get anxious about going on holiday”, it sounded silly. Who feels anxious about something so exciting?

What I’ve realised is that I was being incongruent, not genuine with myself. I was trying to sell myself a lie. This idea of a perfect holiday didn’t fit into my world.

Carl Rogers, the founder of Person Centred Theory, speaks about the tension between our perceived reality and our actual experience. When something feels off, it’s important to pause and really notice what we’re feeling, to be honest with ourselves. That’s how we begin to live as our authentic, organismic self.

Anxiety appears, even though society suggests it shouldn’t. Exploring that truth is part of self actualisation, the ongoing process of becoming the fullest version of ourselves.

The In Between Moments

You might be reading this thinking, “Why does she even go on holiday if it causes her so much unrest?”
The truth is, these anxieties are fleeting, they don’t last long, but they’re important to acknowledge.

Once the hustle and bustle of check in and security is behind me, I start to relax. I love the smell of Duty Free, that’s where the holiday truly begins. The “no time zone” pint, the browsing through airport shops, finding the gate, and finally boarding.

As I settle into the plane, the pressure leaves the body. The excitement and wonder begin to creep in. Presence begins to settle in, noticing what’s around me, truly listening and engaging in conversation.

Now the films, the food, the drinks, and of course a nap can be enjoyed.

It’s in these moments that authenticity aligns with the experience. This is one of the core conditions of person centred counselling, the genuine presence that helps clients feel safe to be authentic too.

A Note on Phenomenology

This sense of presence also links beautifully with phenomenology, the idea that each person experiences the world through their own unique lens. Rogers believed we can only truly understand someone by entering their phenomenal field, their lived, subjective experience.

When sitting on the plane or wandering through a new city, the world is not seen through a camera lens or someone else’s itinerary. It is experienced through senses, emotions, and meanings.

Phenomenology reminds us that being truly present means honouring our own lived experience, without comparison or judgement. Whether as counsellors or travellers, that’s what it means to meet ourselves and others exactly where we are.

The presence and genuineness continue for most of the adventure. Observing how people live and work in the environment experienced as a break, taking in culture, architecture, and rhythm of life is enjoyable.

The energy of a city or the peace of a beach brings a sense of calm and excitement. Time spent with a partner, away from the rat race, felt especially needed given recent changes and upheaval.

Homesickness and the Ending

One thing recently self confessed is being a home bird. Growing up, it was difficult to be away from parents, a night at grandparents often meant tears and very little sleep.

Now, as an adult, home is a sanctuary. Being away from comforts, bed, routine, familiar surroundings can still be difficult. But as each holiday ends, it feels like Stretch Armstrong, part yearning for home, part resisting the end of something loved.

Those moments bring mixed thoughts, don’t want this experience to end, will things feel different on return?

These thoughts are met with kindness and unconditional positive regard. They are acknowledged. Conflict, love, and longing are allowed space.

Loving and hating the thought of coming home is not a contradiction. It’s just being human.

Bringing It Home

The purpose of this blog is to normalise anxiety around excitement, it’s okay to experience both. Excitement and anxiety can coexist, sometimes simultaneously.

For years I saw anxiety as a negative. Now I realise it can be used as a tool, like an internal risk assessment if you like, showing when attention is needed while allowing me to stay in control and not let it spiral.

Allowing all emotions to exist without judgement is essential. Each individual experiences situations differently, for some it brings joy, for others unease. Both are perfectly okay.

Social media can be both a blessing and a curse. When scrolling through perfect travel clips, it’s natural to wonder, what’s really behind the lens? Remember, a holiday doesn’t need to be perfect to be meaningful. By embracing both excitement and anxiety, staying present, and being kind to yourself, every trip can become a genuine, memorable experience. 

Take Care, Nicole