Our lives can change so quickly: work, family, even the shopping delivery offering substitutions. Most of these changes we can deal with because they’re tangible, sitting right in front of us.
But what happens when something in our world shifts emotionally, when we feel grief for someone we didn’t personally know? Sometimes that kind of loss can stop us in our tracks and make us think, “Well, how the heck do I deal with this then?”
The world has felt great loss recently. Dolly Parton and Hayden Panettiere have made a massive imprint on millions of people around the world, not only through their work but through their beliefs and the way they lived.
Hayden was also open about her personal struggles, including postnatal depression, addiction, and recovery. Speaking candidly about the challenges she faced and her journey toward healing. Her honesty reminded many that even those who shine brightly can face darkness, and that vulnerability is a form of strength.
Grief doesn’t differentiate between knowing or not knowing someone personally. We can feel great loss when a person has impacted our lives, even if that connection wasn’t direct. Feeling grief for someone you don’t know is absolutely okay. If someone has touched your world and they’re no longer here, or have stopped doing the thing that brought you joy, that’s completely valid.
My Own Reflections
I’ve been particularly saddened by the deaths of Dolly and Hayden. My mam was a great fan of Dolly and was inspired by her incredible work, not only for her community but for the world through the Imagination Library. Dolly also gave back to her hometown, opening Dollywood and Dolly Parton’s Stampede Dinner Attraction, places I was privileged to visit with my mam and dad.
While reading about Dolly, I discovered she had spent time in Rotherham when launching the Imagination Library in the UK. It felt comforting to know she had walked the same streets I now call home. Her music, humour, business mind, and one-liners will forever inspire me, and I’ll keep asking myself, “What would Dolly do?”
Hayden’s character, Juliette Barnes, in Nashville, her sass, her struggle with identity, and her love for music, drew me in. Since her passing, her co-stars have shared stories of her laughter and talent. Listening to the show’s music now hits differently. I realised I was grieving for someone I didn’t know, yet felt I did through her character. It was a strange feeling, one I wanted to explore.
The Knot of Grief
Grief can sometimes feel like a big knot, like when you put your earphones down and come back to find them tangled. Annoying, right? You sit and patiently unpick the knots, feeling frustration, anger, and confusion. But once they’re untangled, there’s relief you can listen again, and those feelings fade until the next time they knot themselves up.
We might grieve for someone we don’t personally know because of the impact they had on our world, because we know how it might affect someone we love, or because our grief for someone close intertwines with grief for someone we didn’t know but admired.
Grief has no limits or boundaries. It’s how we unpick it, reflect, and work through it that helps us make sense of what we’re feeling.
Rainbows and Rain
Dolly once said, “If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.” That quote, and Kacey Musgraves’ song Rainbow, helped me through my grief when my mam passed. The rain felt like my grief: sometimes just spitting, other times torrential. But at the end of each storm, whether moments or weeks later, I’d see the rainbow, the hope that “It’ll all be alright.”
At a recent concert, Kacey dedicated that song to Dolly. It felt like a coming together of my grief for my mum and for Dolly, a reminder that grief is a funny old thing, and mine is something I’m learning to understand and respect.
Understanding Grief for People We Don’t Personally Know
Psychologists call this parasocial grief, the sadness we feel when someone we’ve never met, like a celebrity or fictional character, dies or experiences hardship. It’s a recognised emotional response that stems from empathy, shared values, and the comfort their presence brings to our lives.
Research published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships explains that parasocial bonds activate similar emotional pathways to real-life relationships. When someone we admire passes away, our brains respond as though we’ve lost a friend — because, in a way, we have.
Other studies highlight that this grief can be stronger when the person represents hope, resilience, or creativity, qualities we see in ourselves or aspire to. In those moments, the loss feels symbolic, touching something deeply personal.
So if you find yourself grieving for someone you didn’t personally know, it’s not strange or misplaced. It’s a reflection of your capacity for connection and compassion, a reminder that grief isn’t just about proximity, but about meaning.
Finding Comfort
When life feels tough or your grief feels heavy, know that you’re not alone. In moments like these, the whole world feels heavy too. Even though it’s sad, it reminds us that we’re connected, that others are remembering what Dolly, Hayden, or someone else meant to them.
It might be comforting to sit quietly, light a candle, and just be.
If you’d like to explore what your grief means to you, please feel free to message me and book an initial assessment.
A Message of Strength
Keep thinking “What would Dolly do?” and when the world gets a little heavy, channel your inner Juliette Barnes and shout, “Don’t put dirt on my grave just yet!”
Because that’s not just a lyric, it’s a declaration. It’s saying I’m still here. I’m still fighting, still healing, still finding my way through the storm. Grief may knock us down, but it doesn’t get to keep us there. Like Dolly’s rainbow after the rain and Juliette’s fire on stage, it reminds us that even in our hardest moments, we can rise again.
Take care,
Nicole x