So What Actually Is Grief?..

..I’m pleased you asked.

When we talk about grief, bereavement, or loss, our minds often go straight to the death of a loved one or a pet. And yes — that is one of the most profound forms of grief we can experience. But grief shows up in many other places too. The loss of a job. The end of a relationship. A friendship drifting apart. Even finishing a book or TV series we’ve been deeply connected to can stir a surprising sense of loss.

I’m not trying to make light of grief — far from it. What I want to make clear is that grief is woven into many of the closing chapters of our lives. Any moment where something meaningful ends can leave us with feelings we don’t always recognise as grief.

One important thing to remember is that grief is not linear. It isn’t neat, predictable, or “one size fits all.” It can hurt. It can feel confusing. It can feel strange when we catch ourselves laughing or experiencing joy in the middle of sadness. Many people describe grief as a tangled ball of wool — messy, knotted, and difficult to make sense of.

Counselling can help with that. My role is to hold the end of the wool while you gently work through the knots. You set the pace; I offer the space, steadiness, and compassion to help you explore what this loss means for you.

The Five Stages of Grief (and why they’re not a checklist)

Many people have heard of the five stages of grief introduced by Elisabeth Kübler‑Ross: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. These stages were never meant to be a strict sequence or a universal roadmap. In fact, Kübler‑Ross herself later emphasised that grief is far more complex and personal than any model can capture.

You might look at these stages and think, “I didn’t feel stage three,” or “I went straight from anger to acceptance,” or even “None of these match what I felt.”

And that is completely okay.

Grief does not follow rules. It doesn’t move neatly from one stage to the next. Some people experience all five. Some experience none. Some move back and forth. Some feel things that aren’t on any list — confusion, relief, numbness, guilt, hope, or even moments of laughter.

The stages are simply one way of understanding grief, not a measure of whether you’re “doing it right.” Your experience is valid exactly as it is.

The Myths of Grief

Grief is surrounded by myths that can make people feel as though they’re “doing it wrong.” Here are a few common ones:

“I should be over it by now.”
There is no timeline for grief.
“Grief only happens after death.”
Loss takes many forms — endings, changes, transitions, and shifts in identity.
“If I’m laughing, I must not be grieving properly.”
Humans can hold many emotions at once.
“Talking about it will make it worse.”
Often, talking helps soften the edges of grief.

Counselling offers a space to gently challenge these myths and understand your own experience without judgement.

How Grief Shows Up in the Body

Grief isn’t just emotional — it’s physical. You might notice:

heaviness or tightness in the chest
exhaustion or fatigue
difficulty concentrating or “brain fog”
changes in appetite
disrupted sleep
irritability or restlessness
a sense of being “slowed down” or disconnected

These responses are normal. Your body is trying to make sense of something overwhelming or unfamiliar. In counselling, we explore these sensations with curiosity rather than fear.

Continuing Bonds: We Don’t Move On , We Move Forward

Modern grief theory recognises that we don’t “get over” the people or experiences we’ve lost. Instead, we learn to carry them differently.

Continuing bonds might look like:

talking to someone who has died
keeping certain rituals or traditions
feeling their influence in your choices
remembering them with warmth rather than pain
allowing the relationship to evolve, even after loss

This approach honours the idea that love doesn’t disappear — it changes form.

Narnia, Winter, and the Quiet Courage of Grief

C.S. Lewis, who understood grief intimately, wrote of Narnia as a place where it was “always winter and never Christmas.” That image captures something that can resonate with grief — a kind of emotional winter where life may feel cold, still, or muted. A season where familiar warmth seems distant, and the world feels changed in ways that are hard to describe.

Just as winter in Narnia slowly thaws, grief also shifts over time. Not suddenly, not neatly, and not according to any timetable — but gradually, in small and often subtle ways. Moments of softness, connection, or warmth begin to appear, even if the landscape still feels unfamiliar.

Lewis’s characters often discover courage they didn’t know they had. Grief can ask the same of us — not dramatic or heroic courage, but the quiet kind. The courage of getting through each day, allowing feelings to surface, and giving ourselves permission to heal in our own way. This gentle bravery is easy to overlook, yet it is one of the most powerful parts of the grieving process.

A Gentle Invitation

If you’re navigating grief — in any form — you don’t have to do it alone. Counselling offers a space to breathe, to feel, and to slowly make sense of what this loss means for you. Together, we can explore your story, your pain, your resilience, and the possibilities that may begin to emerge as you move forward.

Small Ways to Support Yourself Through Grief

Grief doesn’t come with instructions, and there is no right or wrong way to move through it. But sometimes small, simple acts of care can help soften the edges of what you’re feeling. These aren’t tasks or expectations — just gentle possibilities you can explore if they feel right for you.

You might find comfort in:

taking slow walks in nature
journalling or writing down thoughts that feel heavy
talking to someone who feels safe
talking to the loved one you’re grieving — speaking out loud, writing to them, or saying what you didn’t get chance to say
talking out loud about the situation you’re grieving — naming what happened, what changed, what you hoped for, and what you’ve lost
writing a letter to the situation or chapter that ended (a job, relationship, home, identity, or version of yourself)
creating small rituals or moments of remembrance
keeping a memory box or meaningful object close
allowing tears or laughter without judgement
listening to music that matches your mood
practising simple breathing exercises
giving yourself permission to rest
choosing one small thing each day that feels manageable

Grief asks a lot of us, and it’s okay to lean into whatever brings you steadiness or softness. These small acts aren’t about “fixing” anything — they’re about supporting yourself gently as you navigate a landscape that has changed.

Grief can feel like a long winter, whether you’re mourning a person, a relationship, a dream, or a version of your life that no longer exists. Whatever shape your loss has taken, your feelings deserve space, understanding, and care. At As Light As A Feather Counselling, I offer a warm, steady, and compassionate place for you to explore your grief at your own pace. You don’t have to navigate this alone — I’m here to walk alongside you as you find your way forward.

Get in touch

If you have any questions about how counselling works or would like to arrange an initial assessment, please feel free to get in touch. An initial assessment gives us time to talk about what’s bringing you to counselling, explore whether it may be helpful for you, and see whether we feel like a good fit to work together.

You’re welcome to call me on 07933 716273 if you’d prefer to speak briefly or leave a message. While I don’t discuss therapeutic issues over the phone, I’m always happy to answer practical questions and help you feel comfortable before booking an assessment.

I aim to respond to all enquiries within 48 hours. All communication is treated with care and confidentiality. Online sessions take place via Zoom Pro, which provides secure, encrypted video calls. You can find my privacy policy in the Policies and Procedures section.

Some frequently asked questions

An initial assessment is a gentle first meeting where we get to know each other and explore what has brought you to counselling. There’s no pressure to share anything you’re not ready to. You can talk at your own pace.

We’ll look at what you’re experiencing, what you’re hoping for from counselling, and what feels most important for you right now. I’ll also explain how sessions work and answer any practical questions you may have.

This meeting helps us both get a sense of whether working together feels comfortable and supportive. You’re welcome to take your time afterwards to decide whether you’d like to continue.

Counselling can support you with a wide range of emotional experiences. Many people come to counselling during times of grief, loss, or major life changes, but you don’t need a specific “reason” to seek support.

You might be feeling overwhelmed, stuck, anxious, low, or unsure how to move forward. You may be coping with a bereavement, relationship changes, work stress, or simply a sense that something doesn’t feel right.

Whatever you’re experiencing, counselling offers a safe, compassionate space to explore your feelings and find your own way through.

There’s no fixed or ideal length of time for the counselling process; it varies from person to person and will often depend on the depth of the issues they are facing. While I can work on an open-ended basis with clients, I find it is helpful for us to both agree before we start on undertaking a certain number of sessions and reviewing where we are at once we reach that point. You are able to decide how long your therapy will last, and in return my aim is to make sure sessions continue for only as long as it is of benefit to you.

My aim is to offer you a first appointment, called an initial assessment, within 1–2 weeks. If there is any delay or a waiting list, I will contact you promptly with an estimated time frame.

No, you don’t need a GP referral to begin counselling. You can contact me directly to arrange an initial assessment or ask any questions you may have.

Yes, confidentiality is a vital part of counselling and helps create a safe, trusting space for you to speak freely. What you share in our sessions will be kept private and not shared with anyone else.

There are a few rare exceptions where I may need to break confidentiality. These include situations where:

I believe you or someone else is at serious risk of harm
There are legal requirements, such as concerns around child protection or serious criminal offences.
I discuss aspects of my work in professional supervision (a standard and ethical practice, done without revealing your identity)

If I ever felt that breaking confidentiality was necessary, I would always aim to speak with you first, explain the situation, and involve you in the process wherever possible. These situations are uncommon, and your privacy is always treated with the utmost care and respect.

I understand that reaching out for counselling can feel daunting, and it’s natural to want someone by your side. However, sessions are designed to be a one-to-one space, just for you. This helps create a confidential, safe, and focused environment where you can explore your thoughts and feelings freely. If you’re feeling unsure about starting, I’m more than happy to talk through any worries you might have before we begin.

It’s completely okay to feel unsure. Counselling is a personal choice, and it’s important that it feels right for you. Sometimes people know after the initial assessment, and sometimes it becomes clearer after a few sessions. There’s no “right” time to make that decision.

If at any point you feel that counselling isn’t what you need, or that working together doesn’t feel like the best fit, we can talk about it openly. You’re always in control of your sessions, and you’re free to pause, stop, or explore other options whenever you choose.

My role is to support you in a way that feels comfortable and meaningful for you, and part of that is helping you make the choice that feels right, even if that means trying something different.

As Light As A Feather Counselling

PERSON CENTRED COUNSELLING

Available Online Or Face to Face In Rotherham