Month: October 2025

Categories
Anxiety Change, Anxiety Grief Moving Home

New Beginnings and Safe Spaces: The Anxiety of Change and How Person-Centred Counselling Helps

When I bought my home in 2008, I imagined I’d be here forever. And yet, at times, I absolutely hated living here. It brought on all sorts of anxieties and worries the kind that seem to come with adulthood.

Even as a counsellor, I’ve sat with anxiety , and I think that’s part of what makes my work honest. It’s through those personal experiences that I can truly sit alongside clients as they explore their own.

My home holds so many stories. It’s now the only physical place my family has left where my mam spent time  since my dad moved out of the home they shared, and my brother and sister-in-law have moved on from theirs too. It’s been the backdrop to laughter, tears, career changes, heartbreaks, new connections, and long hours sat on the step on my landing — my thinking space.

Over the years, I grew up in this home. I changed. I retrained as a counsellor, built deeper relationships, and started showing up more fully as myself. For a long time, I just called it a house I hadn’t formed a relationship with it. Slowly, though, I began to shape it into something of my own. It became more than a roof over my head. It became a safe space. A place where I could enjoy my own company and come home to myself.

Change Brings Up Feelings — And That’s Okay

So, why am I writing this now? Because I’m about to leave this home. It’s time for a new beginning — and with that comes excitement, sadness, anxiety, and a bit of wonder. Will I miss it? Absolutely. But I also feel ready. Ready to embrace change, feel the unknown fully, and step into whatever comes next.

This process reminds me of what often happens in the counselling room.

The Counselling Room as a Safe Space

In Person-Centred Counselling, the relationship we build together is the foundation. Much like how I slowly built a relationship with my home, clients often begin counselling unsure, guarded, maybe a little disconnected. But over time  with empathy, genuine presence (congruence), and unconditional positive regard, a sense of safety can grow.

The counselling space becomes somewhere to take off the masks, lay down the armour, and start exploring what’s underneath.

I often describe it like this: counselling is a place to examine the armour you’ve built up to survive life , to look at each piece, understand how it’s helped you, and gently decide whether you still need it. My home has been part of my armour. It’s protected me, nurtured me, and allowed me to grow into the person I am. And now, I feel ready to let it go ,because I’ve created that safety within myself.

That’s what I hope for everyone who steps into the counselling room. That, in time, they begin to feel safe in themselves, not just in the room. That no matter what changes around them, they carry something steady inside.

Change Is Not Linear, Neither Is Counselling

Counselling, like life, doesn’t follow a straight path. There are moments that feel like breakthroughs, and others that feel like steps backwards. As Paula Abdul sang (and yes, I do quote her sometimes), it’s two steps forward and two steps back.

But that’s okay.

Whether you’re experiencing anxiety, grief, or a life transition, Person-Centred Counselling meets you exactly where you are — without judgement, without pressure. Just a space to explore, to reflect, and to feel what needs to be felt.

Final Thoughts

Leaving this home is a big step, but it’s also a reminder: I’ve built a safe space within myself. That’s something I now carry with me — and something I want to offer to others.

If you’re navigating change, feeling unsettled, or simply want to reconnect with your authentic self, Person-Centred Counselling can support you. It’s not about fixing you , it’s about creating a space where you feel safe enough to be yourself, and from there, to grow.

Take Care

Nicole x

Categories
Anxiety Person Centred Counselling Travel

When Excitement Meets Anxiety: The Real Feelings of Travel

 

The Allure of the Perfect Holiday

My social media algorithm picked up very quickly that I was planning a trip to New York to celebrate my birthday (21 again, of course!). What this gave me was the perfect itinerary, the perfect places to eat, the viral shops I had to visit, and endless videos of holiday goers smiling, stress free, and simply loving life.

Now, I’m absolutely sure many of those people did have an amazing time. But what I didn’t see was the preamble, the waiting for the ESTA to come through, the frantic packing, the wondering if they had enough spending money, the airport security queues, the fear of oversleeping before an early flight.

I couldn’t help but wonder, did any of those people feel anxious before, during, or after their perfect looking break?

The build up to my own holiday became a quiet obsession, scrolling for new “must see” spots, trying to plan the perfect trip. I had wanted my New York break to be more spontaneous, to stumble upon landmarks, to find an event by chance, and not to live by a tight itinerary. But the constant exposure to “perfect plans” on social media subtly changed my outlook.

I still had a few places I truly wanted to visit, but I wanted the rest to unfold authentically, a bit like person centred counselling, really. Being in the moment and fully present is so important, both in therapy and, as I’m learning, in travel too.

The Emotional Build Up

I’ve always been a traveller. I love visiting new places, soaking in the culture, and meeting new people. I grew up on family holidays, but my first experience of travelling alone was around age 14 or 15, flying to Canada to visit friends I’d met at a family wedding.

That trip introduced me to a range of feelings, ones I hadn’t really explored until recently, when I felt ready to be authentic with myself. Through my understanding of theory and my own personal growth, I’ve found the confidence to speak these feelings out loud.

Truthfully, I have anxiety about travelling. The packing, the endless passport checks, the security queues, all mix with the excitement of going away, the joy of good food and drinks, and that liberating sense of not caring about calories (they don’t count on holiday, right?).

All of these emotions can form a physical knot in my stomach. And for a long time, I didn’t know what to do with it. I certainly didn’t feel I could say, “I get anxious about going on holiday”, it sounded silly. Who feels anxious about something so exciting?

What I’ve realised is that I was being incongruent, not genuine with myself. I was trying to sell myself a lie. This idea of a perfect holiday didn’t fit into my world.

Carl Rogers, the founder of Person Centred Theory, speaks about the tension between our perceived reality and our actual experience. When something feels off, it’s important to pause and really notice what we’re feeling, to be honest with ourselves. That’s how we begin to live as our authentic, organismic self.

Anxiety appears, even though society suggests it shouldn’t. Exploring that truth is part of self actualisation, the ongoing process of becoming the fullest version of ourselves.

The In Between Moments

You might be reading this thinking, “Why does she even go on holiday if it causes her so much unrest?”
 The truth is, these anxieties are fleeting, they don’t last long, but they’re important to acknowledge.

Once the hustle and bustle of check in and security is behind me, I start to relax. I love the smell of Duty Free, that’s where the holiday truly begins. The “no time zone” pint, the browsing through airport shops, finding the gate, and finally boarding.

As I settle into the plane, the pressure leaves the body. The excitement and wonder begin to creep in. Presence begins to settle in, noticing what’s around me, truly listening and engaging in conversation.

Now the films, the food, the drinks, and of course a nap can be enjoyed.

It’s in these moments that authenticity aligns with the experience. This is one of the core conditions of person centred counselling, the genuine presence that helps clients feel safe to be authentic too.

A Note on Phenomenology

This sense of presence also links beautifully with phenomenology, the idea that each person experiences the world through their own unique lens. Rogers believed we can only truly understand someone by entering their phenomenal field, their lived, subjective experience.

When sitting on the plane or wandering through a new city, the world is not seen through a camera lens or someone else’s itinerary. It is experienced through senses, emotions, and meanings.

Phenomenology reminds us that being truly present means honouring our own lived experience, without comparison or judgement. Whether as counsellors or travellers, that’s what it means to meet ourselves and others exactly where we are.

The presence and genuineness continue for most of the adventure. Observing how people live and work in the environment experienced as a break, taking in culture, architecture, and rhythm of life is enjoyable.

The energy of a city or the peace of a beach brings a sense of calm and excitement. Time spent with a partner, away from the rat race, felt especially needed given recent changes and upheaval.

Homesickness and the Ending

One thing recently self confessed is being a home bird. Growing up, it was difficult to be away from parents, a night at grandparents often meant tears and very little sleep.

Now, as an adult, home is a sanctuary. Being away from comforts, bed, routine, familiar surroundings can still be difficult. But as each holiday ends, it feels like Stretch Armstrong, part yearning for home, part resisting the end of something loved.

Those moments bring mixed thoughts, don’t want this experience to end, will things feel different on return?

These thoughts are met with kindness and unconditional positive regard. They are acknowledged. Conflict, love, and longing are allowed space.

Loving and hating the thought of coming home is not a contradiction. It’s just being human.

Bringing It Home

The purpose of this blog is to normalise anxiety around excitement, it’s okay to experience both. Excitement and anxiety can coexist, sometimes simultaneously.

For years I saw anxiety as a negative. Now I realise it can be used as a tool, like an internal risk assessment if you like, showing when attention is needed while allowing me to stay in control and not let it spiral.

Allowing all emotions to exist without judgement is essential. Each individual experiences situations differently, for some it brings joy, for others unease. Both are perfectly okay.

Social media can be both a blessing and a curse. When scrolling through perfect travel clips, it’s natural to wonder, what’s really behind the lens? Remember, a holiday doesn’t need to be perfect to be meaningful. By embracing both excitement and anxiety, staying present, and being kind to yourself, every trip can become a genuine, memorable experience. 

Take Care, Nicole 

Categories
Community Person Centred Counselling

Be Your Own Pace Car: Finding Community at Caffeine & Machine

If I said the word community… what would it mean to you? For me, it can mean anything—a friendship circle, a hobby group, or even a mental health support network. But what about a community of strangers united by a love for cars, automotive culture, and conversation?

My partner recently introduced me to Caffeine & Machine, and what I discovered there warmed my heart—not just as someone observing car culture, but as the founder of As Light As A Feather Counselling, based in Huddersfield, West Yorkshire, noticing the power of human connection.

A Place for Everyone

I’ll admit upfront: I know very little about cars. To my partner and his dad’s amusement, my expertise goes as far as, “Oh, that colour would make a fantastic nail polish.” But I do understand people, and I recognise what makes a community thrive.

Caffeine & Machine is more than a car community in the UK. It’s a welcoming space for people who sometimes find it hard to connect, as well as for those who simply love cars. Conversations often start with cars, but they frequently grow into something deeper—friendships are formed, bonds strengthened, and emotional burdens shared and halved.

This mirrors what I strive for in my work at As Light As A Feather Counselling: creating spaces where people feel safe, accepted, and heard, allowing them to express themselves without judgement.

The Roots of Caffeine & Machine

Founded by Phil McGovern and Dan Macken in 2015, Caffeine & Machine started with a simple vision: to bring car enthusiasts together in a way that breaks down barriers and celebrates inclusion.

The Hill in Warwickshire opened in 2018 and has since become an iconic location for automotive culture. Surrounded by greenery, it’s a place to wander, relax, and recharge. Whether you want to soak up the sun or retreat to the fab on-site teepee, it’s designed for comfort and connection.

Since then, Caffeine & Machine has expanded with two further venues: The Bowl and The Hut, each carrying the same ethos of community, connection, and shared passion for cars and machinery.

I Love You, Man: A Safe Space for Men

Phil noticed that mental health, especially in men, was becoming a growing concern. In response, he created I Love You, Man, a monthly event offering a safe, unrecorded space where men can share openly, listen, and simply exist without judgement.

While I haven’t personally attended, it’s easy to imagine that attendees leave feeling lighter, understood, and supported—mirroring the trust and acceptance I cultivate in my counselling work. This event embodies many person-centred counselling principles: empathy, unconditional positive regard, and the creation of a safe, non-judgemental space. People can speak, or just listen—they can be vulnerable without fear.

Feels Like Home

After visiting The Hill a couple of times, as we drove away, we both said it “feels like home”—not knowing that it’s actually one of Caffeine & Machine’s slogans. The feeling was undeniable: hundreds of people come each day and leave feeling safe, seen, and connected.

In counselling terms, this is exactly the type of therapeutic home I aim to create at As Light As A Feather Counselling—a safe space where trust is established, and people can be themselves, free of masks or pretences.

Community and Counselling: A Shared Philosophy

Community is at the heart of both Caffeine & Machine and counselling. Like a counselling room, the venues foster trust, safety, and presence. Their mission says it best:

“…a place to enjoy wonderful food and drink, soak up an ever-eclectic display of brilliant machinery, and above all else, come be around friends…”
 “We seek to break down barriers, encourage conversation and discovery.”

Being part of this community is therapeutic in itself: sharing, listening, and connecting all contribute to mental health and emotional well-being. It demonstrates how supportive spaces in everyday life—even outside a counselling room—can nurture mental health support.

More Than Just Cars

While my partner admired the eclectic mix of old and new vehicles, I noticed the human side: strangers connecting, stories shared, laughter, and new friendships forming. People who might normally struggle to engage with others found themselves part of something bigger.

And of course, the food and drink are amazing: homemade pizzas, loaded fries, poke bowls, and the weekend BBQ tray (chef’s kiss), all washed down with the famous Hawkstone lager. Community nourishes both body and mind.

Be Your Own Pace Car

Caffeine & Machine proudly declare, “We Are The Pace Car.” They set the tempo for culture, community, and conversations around the things we love that move.

But that message is also for us personally. To me, it means: be your own pace car. Set your rhythm, follow your flow, and lead your journey. Slow down when you need to, regroup, and move forward again. That’s what feels like home—and it’s the same philosophy I bring to every session at As Light As A Feather Counselling.

Support and Links

If reading this resonates and you feel you could benefit from counselling, I’m here to support you at As Light As A Feather Counselling. Whether you’re navigating mental health challenges, feeling isolated, or simply need someone to listen, you can reach out via the links on my website. Safe, confidential, and supportive spaces exist to help you be heard, understood, and valued.

For more about the Caffeine & Machine community and events: Caffeine & Machine
 Learn more about the origins of their mental health initiative: I Love You, Man – An Origin Story
 Additional men’s mental health support can be found at: Andy’s Man Club

Take Care, Nicole